your heart will plummet like mine did

sinking

2011-07-10T17:31:00.001+08:00

If I am lost for a day; try to find me

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

Just got harder and harder each day

December is darkest and June is the light

but this empty bedroom won't make anything right

While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home

Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar girl who's in love with the world

Stay alive

Calendar Girl who's in love with the world

Stay alive

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do

And when I awoke I was sure it was true

I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky

And said whoever is up there, please don't let me die

But I can't live forever, I can't always be

One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea

The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross

And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

January, February, March, April, May

I'm alive

June, July, August, September, October

I'm alive

November, December, you all through the winter,

I'm alive

naivenights.livejournal.com

Selling post #8

2011-07-08T19:56:00.007+08:00

Navy blue maxi dress

Free size

$10

(Fav sweater, bought it in p6 T.T)

Zara Kids sweater

Fits sizes S-M

Still in very very good condition :')

$14

Tank tops

Fits sizes S-M

Not worn before

2 for $10

1 for $6

[PINK ONE WITH BEADS SOLD]

~~Accessorize Wallet~~

~~$10~~

Chanel-inspired handbag
Bought overseas
Still in v good condition
Strap may be adjusted
Quote your own price

~~(> $10 pls heh)~~

Tribal Bag

Hand made in Morocco (by people living on the streets T.T)

I find this quite indie haha

Tag me/text me

FUND THE BROKE haha lotsa luv

Selling post #7
Selling post #6

jet black heart

2011-07-02T22:10:00.004+08:00

I will leave this blog after my 1000th post. This is my 925th post.

So.

Hi guys.

I love my girlfriends. They're the best. Not to mention, they're ultra sexy.

Will you be my friend?

2011-06-30T19:53:00.003+08:00

I mean what the hell

you just scolded your boyfriend for spamming your mother fucking Facebook wall?

Me and Saleh stopped writing on each other's walls since early last year.

I'd die for him to spam my wall.

Appreciate your fucking boyfriend bitch

Fucker

I'm so pissed I can die right now

I AM MOTHER FUCKING TIRED

One more day to survive and it's the weekend already

MY MUM JUST DROPPED SOME GLASS SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

My mum can pms like a 16 year old, mind you

I hate this

I hate feeling tired

I hate being lonely

I hate being sad

Actually I'm not sad I'm just

empty

Why the fuck am I typing in this manner

I wanna cry

God.

I haven't got a Facebook notification in ages

I don't get texts

neither do I get calls

no one writes me letters

people don't really ask if I'm having a hard time

yuck I sound so demanding

and disgusting

yeah that's what I am

that's how my whole goddamned relationship got ruined

cause I am a mother fucking idiot

I am so sad

I'm not sad

I'm disgusting.

2011-06-28T20:17:00.000+08:00

the edge

2011-06-26T20:42:00.004+08:00

you are going to be okay

you are going to study your ass off

you are going to have so much discipline, it hurts

you are going to be happy

you are going to be in love with someone who might not even exist

you are going to live for yourself

you are going to look good with that sincere smile on your face every single day

you are going to stop crying because it's not worth it

you are going to realize that you're an amazing person and you're worth so much

you are going to be fine, that even your body looks so fine

haha ignore the last one. Have a good term ahead you guys! Remember, it's going to be alright. It all starts with you, thinking that it will be alright. God bless x

Just like a star across the sky

2011-06-25T00:25:00.003+08:00

Today was great. Tonight was great. Thank you everyone.

And to the boyfriend who didn't show up, fuck you, but you know I don't stay mad at you forever. I love you Saleh, you mad piece of ass. I hate how much you hurt me. But I can't get you off my mind.

When I'm sad I play the guitar

2011-06-23T22:10:00.002+08:00

kinda suck

o well enjoy lovelies

Hurt

2011-06-22T23:41:00.002+08:00

You know. That feeling. The disappointment? The "nah it's alright, i'm okay"? No you're not fucking okay. You're not o fucking kay. Stop lying. You're hurt. Why can't you say it? Why can't you burst out every single shit that's stuck at the back of your throat? Say it. Out loud.

I'M HURT.

I have always been hurt.

hurricane

2011-06-21T20:13:00.009+08:00

7 days of pure happiness

excited

2011-06-13T13:44:00.001+08:00

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

the littlest things that take me there

2011-06-10T18:49:00.005+08:00

I ain't got any pics so here are my camwhores from my 5.0 megapixel phone ha ha I love my friends. Ok school's FINALLY out!!!!!!!! And SPA for both Bio and Chem is over. I think I did ok? My practicals suck tho. Hmm, I'm off to Perth on Monday evening to see my sissy + for a holiday of course. Everyone's making me feel like shit uh "Got O's still can go overseas" "1 whole week never study?!" wah cibai if you had a chance to go to Aussie even though it's June, you'd go right!!! Haha I'll bring a few um notes? Naaaaaay I'll be horse riding and eating fish n chips and suffering in the cold. It's Winter T.T I haven't been there since I was 5 ~.~

Alright, enjoy the remaining 2 weeks everyone! Don't study too hard

you read me like a book

2011-06-05T19:41:00.002+08:00

hmm I like you. And the smell of your hair. And the way you ask me to sit on your lap and I'll swing my arms around you and kiss your forehead. I like you. I like your awkward stares when we're having dinner and our "who can stare for the longest" game. And I'll look away and blush and die a lil bit inside cause no one can beat the pair of sexy eyes that you have. No one. I like your smooth skin. I like writing silly words on your skin with my fingers more. I like holding hands with you and walking around scary places. I feel protected. And I like swinging our hands like we're small kids. I like how you let go of my hand and hold my waist and say "This is better." I like how you randomly hug and squash me when we're walking. I like your face. I like your silly faces, they're my #1 favourite. I like standing up on the train with you, and how my head fits perfectly on your chest, with your chin on my head. The best part is hearing your heartbeat. I also really like sleeping on your lap and looking up to your face when you're looking away. And when you look down on me, you'll smile and kiss me.

But the thing I like the most about you is you, you, you and you. You.

what I tell myself most of the time before I start crying

2011-06-03T22:26:00.003+08:00

i'm so messed up

you said you loved me

remember when everything was perfect

i'm scared

but i love you

you never cared

i'm all alone

i'm ugly

i was never good enough

go to sleep zahwah, it's ok

you're gonna be ok tomorrow

i trusted you

don't call, he won't pick up

call

fuck

2011-06-03T19:16:00.000+08:00

I guess I'm okay with that.

2011-06-03T18:27:00.003+08:00

What I want:

to be able to play the electric guitar, to have dyed hair, to be able to smoke without being unhealthy and offensive, to wear short shorts and pretty tank tops, to have longer hair, to be wanted, to feel appreciated, to be able to longboard, to wear shiny black boots with ripped stockings, to have unlimited cash in my wallet, to have a boyfriend who lives next door, to be able to study hard, to have a lomo camera, to look good in heels, to feel happy, to write a novel, to look good in a bikini, to be okay, to actually be quite attractive, to have guy friends, to act like I'm 16, to be cool in some way.

What I am:

Me. A boring girl with nothing interesting happening in her life. Neither cool nor attractive.

FREE FALLIN'

2011-05-30T21:13:00.003+08:00

she's a good girl, crazy bout Elvis, loves horses and her boyfriend too

I used to have nice titles but now I can't think of anything so

2011-05-29T23:55:00.004+08:00

And at this moment, I am waiting. I am always waiting. I am waiting for a text, for a call, for a sign, for a signal, for an apology, for a confession, for a sentence, for a word. I am consistently waiting. I knew this day would come. The day where you stopped everything. The day where you gave up and threw all your guns to the floor. The day you kept on walking without me. But I never knew it would turn out this bad. I never knew you'd ignore me for so long. Honestly............why can't you talk? Why can't you say anything? This is bad. I've told you before, I hate silence. It makes me feel like crap. You don't hate me. You don't. No matter how much you hide away from me, I know you. And if I'm lucky, I know how you feel. Cause when I'm with you, I see everything through your eyes. And your smile. And the way you hold me. Cause I feel you. But when you're not here...............it's quite hard. But I'm trying to understand. Right now you're just running away from trouble. And trouble, in this sense, it's me. I am trouble. I am your trouble. You're running away from me. I know, I'm full of bad shit, you don't have to point them out cause I already know. I'm not going to be selfish. I'm going to let you sit there and shake your legs while I clean up the mess I made. You're going to love me because I'm worth it. No matter how self-proclaimed that sounds, I mean it. Because I know how much I can love someone and I know how much I can love you. And I know how much I can make you happy. You make break me, and hurt me, and kill me, for all I care, I will never give up on you. Cause you're that one thing I got right. And I've been through our shit so many fucking times and all I ever knew is that I can never live without you. I'm going to protect my own happiness and that also means I am going to protect you. You'll stay. Cause I won't make you leave. Not anymore.

Though I'm still trying to figure out how that works. But you don't have to worry. Cause when it comes to you, I'm the strongest I can ever get.

just don't let me down

2011-05-28T13:12:00.002+08:00

I am constantly punishing myself.

Not eating/eating too much/writing criticism on my arms/chopping off my hair/crying/crying too much/bathing in cold water/bathing in hot water/making myself look ugly/not sleeping/suffocating myself with a pillow/not replying your texts/keeping my phone in the closet/not studying/negative thoughts/wanting to die

I feel cheated, you know? I just want to feel okay. Don't you know I'm trying?

you

2011-05-26T12:08:00.000+08:00

one day we'll tell the story of us

2011-05-25T20:09:00.004+08:00

I made my own The Story of Us screenshots!!!! Even though I had the worst of the worst of the worst day of my life, Tay really made my day with her video. Thank you Taylor haha omg so in love with her new vid. If you haven't caught it, catch it @ taylorswift.com now!!!!!

(emo post coming up soon, my happiness is never permanent)

I can't quite fathom my insanity

2011-05-22T17:25:00.005+08:00

i can't even i don't even this is quite crazy.................... ok this is for you guys, thanks for putting up with my shit :-) the guitar sounds so weird.

50 things I hate

2011-05-22T14:36:00.002+08:00

1. you and your stupid teeth

2. you and your stupid eyebrows

3. you and your stupid attitude

4. you and your stupid boyfriend

5. you and your stupid hair

6. myself

7. feeling fucking pissed off at everything (like right now)

8. studying when I don't want to

9. not getting texts from you

10. not getting phone calls from you

11. girls who think it's cool to be all cheeky and cute and say meow all the fucking time

12. boys who think they're all that

13. liars

14. being hungry and there's no food

15. Katy fucking Perry

16. Megan Fox

17. happy things

18. happy people

19. girls who laugh all the fucking time

20. not doing well for exams despite studying

21. my hair

22. my boobs

23. my tummy when it isn't flat

24. the fact that I'm not sexy

25. fucking rnb fucking noise to the world

26. girls who talk about sex all the fucking time but they're mother fucking virgins

27. 987 fm

28. the party rock anthem song

29. minahs who think their eyebrows are attractive

30. people who blog in Malay

31. people who think they're so smart and then the rub it your fucking face

32. girls who try so hard to look good

33. make up

34. partying............what the fuck does that mean anyway

35. hanging out with so many people

36. Chinese aunties

37. Ms Irene Wong

38. tkgs

39. feeling so fucked up

40. crying

41. having cramps on the first day of my period

42. being broke

43. when Saleh doesn't fight back

44. I kinda took a video last night and it's 104 KB but the max size I can upload on Blogger is 100 KB kanasai

45. when I can't shit despite pushing so hard

46. when I want you to be by my side but you're not fucking here

47. Sunday afternoons

48. those girls who get 100+ likes for their profile pictures.....who the fuck are all of you

49. sec4 life

50. everything else

a revolution

2011-05-19T19:42:00.000+08:00

no

2011-05-17T18:59:00.002+08:00

1. get rid of your things

2. bake

3. ignore your texts

4. fall in love again

5. do more maths

6. find the courage to start a new blog

7. sell more clothes

8. get afifah a pretty present

9. start learning new chords

10. cut some hair

11. place the necklace into a small box

12. clear you off my mind

13. seek forgiveness from god

14. learn a new language

15. clean up the room before sarah comes home

16. delete photographs of you

17. confess to the 5 girls that you hate them

18. and then stop hating on people

19. be happy

20. and move the fuck on

(let the happiness flow naturally)

2011-05-16T18:37:00.002+08:00

WAKE UP ZAHWAH WAKE UP

So.

I got an F9 for AMaths and I just passed my EMaths. That really gave me a wake up call. Thank you God for smacking me right in the face (and in the mind). Despite the paper being really really hard and half the cohort failed, I still find myself dumb so I'm going to study my fukin arse off. WHO'S UP TO LATE NIGHT STUDYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????? And early morning studying. I'm v bored. Mathematics (whether additional or not) is my fav subject to study cause I get to sit in a room with music flowing into my head without being disturbed so yay let's go study let's goooooooooooooooooooooo and I'll get that A1 soon

N0 P4!N N0 G4!N W3 R 4LL !N +H!$ +0G3+H3R L0V3 F0R3V3R N 3V3R

2011-05-15T18:12:00.001+08:00

you have no idea

2011-05-14T22:19:00.000+08:00

vomit

2011-05-10T19:40:00.003+08:00

hi friends. please don't mind me. i am as disgusting as i can get so

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being such a dick even though i'm a girl. i'm sorry i can be really dumb. i'm sorry i destroy lives and create trouble. i'm sorry for being too happy sometimes but at the same time i'm sorry for being too sad. i'm sorry for feeling so shitty that sometimes it gets contagious and people near me tend to get shitty too. also means that i make people feel shitty. i'm sorry this blog is no longer interesting and all i do is rant and rant and rant on how i feel about myself (which isn't really good). i know i am disgusting and gross and yes i told myself that last night. i figured out that i am really not worth anything. i'm sorry to my boyfriend who walked out on me, i really don't blame you, i mean, no one would actually survive being with me. please don't come back. although you haunt me 24/7 and how sometimes i feel your arms around me but truly you are not here just please don't come back and run. run away and have a good life. i shall sit here and study for my o's and i'll try to fix myself. one day maybe you'd like to come back to see if i've recovered from my shitty self. or maybe not. i don't know. i don't really know anything anymore. i'm a bad person. please forgive me god. please forgive me saleh. please forgive me friends. please forgive me dad. i'm scared. i'm only fifteen and i feel so weird. i'm fine actually. there are people out there with worse conditions. i'm nothing compared to them. maybe just overreacting or being stupid or maybe pms-ing everyday or maybe i have some disease or something. not that bad. no big deal. i am okay. i should have a bathe now and then i'll tell god how i feel. he's the only one who doesn't get sick of me. he won't judge either. to everyone reading this, call me crazy, call me mad. i can't help it. this is how i feel.

ok have a nice night. should i have dinner? i just burped. that made me happy. i miss you.

run away from me i am an alien and i am a freak.

2011-05-09T20:57:00.002+08:00

i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life please leave me please leave me please leave me please leave me please leave me please leave me please leave me i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself please kill me please kill me please kill me please kill me please kill me please kill me please kill me i don't deserve to live i don't deserve to live i don't deserve to live i don't deserve to live i don't deserve to live i don't deserve to live i don't deserve to live i don't deserve to live i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot slit my throat slit my throat slit my throat slit my throat slit my throat slit my throat slit my throat no one likes me no one likes me no one likes me no one likes me no one likes me no one likes me no one likes me too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly too ugly run away from me run away from me run away from me run away from me run away from me run away from me run away from me i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair this is unfair die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die

2011-05-08T20:44:00.000+08:00

2011-05-07T23:08:00.001+08:00

victim

2011-05-07T18:23:00.000+08:00

1825

i have no idea what i want and i have no idea what i yearn for

shaking inside

2011-05-05T19:09:00.004+08:00

You wanna know a secret?

I want a crush. I want to find a boy I can look at from far every day. A boy with the greatest smile any boy could ever ask for. I want to fall in like. I want to stare at him and jump around when I catch him staring back. I want to daydream about how incredible we would look like together. I want to watch him play soccer from far. I want to see him with other girls and I'll go home and cry myself to sleep. But he won't notice me. He won't notice that small little girl with the crazy hair and stupid faces. He won't notice me a single bit. And that's how I'd want it to be.

I miss how this feels like. Saleh, can you be my crush?

I just wanna lay in my bed.

2011-05-04T20:19:00.003+08:00

This is just Day 01.

Thanks so much for the fun today guys. Thank God mid-years are over. I think I studied much harder for this one but still results are gna end up shitty as usual. Ah, heck. Back to life now. Luvvvvvvvvvvvin it. Have a good week! My weekend has already started ;-)

2011-05-02T13:07:00.003+08:00

what hurts the most is to know that you're gone and i'm holding on to an invisible thread. i'm so stupid. but that's okay.

couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't

2011-04-30T21:40:00.003+08:00

941pm bedroom me dying thoughts buried dreams teenage angst life is unfair we are all fake people lie dreams are crushed only good people get good things bad people get bad things i am bad i am so bad i am more than bad i am horrible and terrifying i will never be good never good enough never perfect never something you'd miss never someone you'd appreciate even if i died even if i jumped from my bedroom window things wouldn't really change i am nobody i am just a walking corpse with no -- i shouldn't go on with my shit. not that it will change anything

echoes

2011-04-26T19:23:00.003+08:00

it's 725 and i'm sitting here in my room with thoughts flowing in my head and to protect myself from self-destruction i shall pen my inner nonsense here i am sick of life being so unfair and how i actually studied hard for biology today and i screwed it up so mother fuckin bad and i was just sitting there staring at the blanks on my paper and dying inside constantly repeating 'i hate life' (i really do) in my head and then when i could actually do a question i constantly repeated 'i love life' and from that moment i swear i am fickle and i am so god damn fickle i love changing my mind which is never stable actually for one second i'd like/love/hate something and for the next second it'd be the opposite i am a walking contradiction and i am forever weird ah look time flies doesn't it shall get my a math done and score tomorrow's paper yes zahwah you are gonna do so well and people would actually start looking at you differently in school and finally, you'd be more than just nothing

r u n f r e e

2011-04-23T23:45:00.002+08:00

my ideal life is to have great friends who'll stick by me till the end

a family who'll support me through thick and thin

and a boyfriend who'll love me for my dry hair and my smelly feet

we're almost there, don't give up just yet

these endless nights will soon be worth it.

twentyeight

2011-04-18T20:04:00.001+08:00

i love the first kiss we have on our pretty days and how it travels all the way down my spine

I'll survive you, even with all these wounds

2011-04-17T19:02:00.002+08:00

Hi Sunday, how unproductive can you get? I realized I haven't had a proper post in weeks so, hi everysoul! Hmmmmm mid-years have started haha I know right my school's a bit wrecked up. So it's hml paper 1&2 tomorrow and I have yet to memorize my peribahasa and if I don't, I'd fail hml again like last term. Sigh I'm so scared for Bio it's my worst subject and for some reason A Maths is getting hard too. Not to say that it has never been hard but at least it was easier than E Maths. Fucccccccccck I'm creepin' myself out. I have less than a week to my major papers oh God k yup I think I won't be able to get an L1R5 of <20 haha dreams. Aiya I have really 0% confidence in life haha ughhhhh ok I should stop blabbing. I was just having fun with my one & only pair of denim shorts up there. I should invest in more shorts. I have not shopped in so long and I should shop soon.

Bye guys, have a good week and I'll be back!!!!!!!!!!!!

so long suckers t(-.-t) hahahahahahaha

2011-04-16T12:29:00.000+08:00

Yeah I guess I'm just some shit that you hate so much. Go on. You deserve better.

I WANT THE OCEAN RIGHT NOW

2011-04-15T19:09:00.002+08:00

We r family

Well done kiddos, x

(have a guud weekend while i go for a battle against my head and heart)

Maybe we forgot, are we awake, or not?

2011-04-10T15:50:00.003+08:00

It's amazing how you realize how much you love him when you watch him sleep and when your heartbeat matches with his. And how his eyes look into yours and suddenly you destroyed every wall you ever built, every ache you ever felt and every promise you ever made to yourself. You need him. And you've got to stop pretending that you don't.

~L3T G0~

2011-04-04T20:15:00.005+08:00

i will forever be fourteen in my heart

survival

2011-04-03T17:04:00.004+08:00

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer

2011-03-29T16:59:00.003+08:00

PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE

actually studied for a test that i screwed up

went around doing napfa alone in my friend's pe t-shirt and fbt

i'll get bronze again

homework keeps piling up

trigo is everywhere now

i hate trigo

big-butt teacher thinks she's so funny and tries so hard to impress the class with her fashion taste

i'm down with a flu which i got from bao yu which infected kj & riny (most prolly celestine next)(and the rest of the class)

tomorrow marks 2 weeks since i saw my boyfriend

nam's party on sat am i going? no

tomorrow is my group's final filming for our drama o'level text-based piece

i know no shit about human & plant reproduction except for sex sex and sex

can i drop bio

mid years is in 3 weeks if i'm not wrong

every subject is testing everything since sec3

syf in 15 days

my hair is short and it's fugly

i have always been fugly

i have acne on my skin

btw did you watch my video on facebook

life is harder than i thought

my boyfriend hates my existence

U MAD????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

No, I ain't even mad

Got you around my finger like a lonely lover's charm

2011-03-24T18:54:00.006+08:00

2011-03-22T18:49:00.001+08:00

happy birthday riny i love you

did i mention that today was the worst day of my life

#7

2011-03-20T15:20:00.009+08:00

~~Esprit slim maxi~~

~~Comes with the purple dress (to be worn inside) too~~

~~$10~~

~~Roxy shirt~~

~~Quite transparent but lovely~~

~~Tagged XS (But I feel that it's an S..)~~

MNG Cardigan

brown matches everything haha

Tagged M

$10

Topshop belt

so boho

Studded Belt

with zip behind

~~(I haven't sold this omg dead buyer)~~

~~Cotton On skirt~~

~~Tagged size 8~~

P L E A S E F U N D Z E B R O K E

Now that the damage is done, I never miss it at all

2011-03-19T21:42:00.006+08:00

MY WEDNESDAY

Went to Henderson Waves > Mt. Faber with stinky. It was like our own field trip!! It's been so long since we've been there. It was quite hot at first then it got cold (it was supposed to rain (according to the weather forecast) but it didn't so yay!) so it was rly a gd weather. We spent time enjoying the view n eating......and then..........we got chased out by monkeys, again. Lmao, they always come for Saleh. HA HA. Then we walked all the way to the Jewel Box and we have planned to take the cable car soon!!!! Yikes so excited lol but we're 4ever broke like that sigh. Walked down the Marang Trail and we kept singing and dancing haha cause we were scared I think haha. Had dinner @ a hawker center. CHICKEN RICE!!!!!!!! His treat. I got him a cup of teh tarik hahahahahahahahahaha it was fun. We have decided to invest in food from hawker centers from now on instead of fast food restaurants. Not a bad idea indeed. The chicken rice there is only $3!!!! Food good, good food. Then we took a bus to Dhoby and slacked outside SMU and watched the moon x x x it was a rly good day and I hereby declare that Saleh Abdullah is the best boyfriend ever.

By the way most of his shirts look good on me right!!!! I shall invade your closet soon and steal more clothes my friend. Thank u.

but they can't take what's ours

2011-03-18T14:25:00.002+08:00

yup that's my boy happy 27th month stinky you mean so much to me and one day we'll fly around the world x

It has always been you

2011-03-15T23:14:00.000+08:00

"Let’s grow old together… beginning with today. Let’s work slowly with each other and build a relationship that we can both enjoy being a part of. Let’s share love and understand that neither of us is perfect; we are both subject to human frailties. Let’s hold each other close and whisper though the night—pledging our love, honoring our commitment. Let’s encourage each other to pursue our dreams, even when we’re weary from trying. Let’s expect the best that we both have to give and still love when we fall short of our expectations. Let’s be friends and respect each other’s individual personality and give one another room to grow. Let’s be candid with each other and point out strengths and weaknesses. Let’s understand each other’s personal philosophy, even if we don’t agree. Let’s lie awake long into the night sharing our innermost secrets. Let’s be friends as well as lovers. Let’s laugh at time and plan with each other and wonder how we ever got along without this love we’ve found. Let’s never take for granted these moments that we’ve shared, but always be reminded of how intensely we have learned to live, how completely we have learned to love. Let’s grow old together… and look back on life and smile.
I love you for what you are, but I love you yet more for what you are going to be."

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And if you flash your heart, I won't deny it

2011-03-13T20:30:00.003+08:00

M Y W E E K E N D

Holidays are here!!!!!!! Must be happy Zahwah!!!!!! Haha ok so it's the syf period now for Drama for every performing arts cca actually so yea we went to Catholic High for a showcase and I spent 6 hours in the auditorium watching a gazillion schools performing and they're really good!! Especially those schools who got Gold with Honours 2 years back. I have a new found love for Commonwealth Sec's Drama Club goshhhhh they're so good. They're doing Army Days it's really funny I was literally rofl with Riny. Well it was a good but tiring Saturday and many more long hours of hectic rehearsals to come hmm I'll be ok we'll be ok come on TK let's bring back the Gold we lost 2 yrs back x

Today I went to meet my lovelies for a failed study date as always so we were just slacking and having fun and I kinda spent money ugh stupid girl k new selling post coming up need to save need to earn cash ~.~

SHOULD I GO TO MY FRIEND'S PARTY BUT I'M SCARED OF PARTIES SCARED OF PEOPLE SCARED OF EVERYTHING sigh it's a party like overnight party at a club and all with boys argh k won't go won't go won't go but everyone's going nvm don't go Z don't go

~I~MISS~YOU~SALEH~

Hi.

2011-03-11T16:03:00.002+08:00

Hello, I'm backstage now at drama syf rehearsals. fuck this. I only appear for 1 minute and I have to come for every rehearsal. I could use the time (yes, during the holidays) to study and go out and stuff. I got my progress report today. Hmm failed 2 subjects and an L1R5 of 29, which is fuck. Lowest ever. Expected maybe a 23? But no. I told you I'm dumb. 29. I'm expected to get 9 for O's. So I need to get rid of 20 points. Haha big joke. I guess I'll be dumb forever. Oh happy holidays. I'll be the usual, depressed kid for the whole week.

I'd stay in the darkness with you

2011-03-08T20:02:00.002+08:00

I know I'm not the only teenage girl here so let me ask, have you girls ever thought about this: to be rude, vulgar and angsty or to be sweet, pretty and nice? I'm sick of this. I've been going through both these days and sometimes, I just don't see where I fit better. I can be really angsty I swear, shouting vulgarities everywhere and feeling like a total fucker. I can get so negative it feels like I'm never happy. I can get so pissed at the corrupted world and show how much I hate Hollywood on twitter. All my 'screw this, screw that's and all my 'fuck my life's. That's the bad side of me, and you see that often. Especially here. Cause it's the side of me that I'm more...comfortable with? I guess. The deeper side perhaps.

But then again..........I'm a girl. I love dressing up, putting on my lip balm, brushing my hair at night, wearing floral panties and bras. I love flowers. And the sweet side of me revolves around Taylor Swift. That's all there is to it. I don't...............get so happy and all but I can get sweet and romantic sometimes (though I find it gross) but is that what a girl really have to be, honestly?

Yes, I do love nail polish but I just got a black nail polish recently. I enjoy love songs but they're mostly from rock bands. I love looking good but I normally dress like a boy. I hate bitching but I bitch about people who bitch about bitches. I EFFIN HATE BOYS. When I catch a boy staring at me, I'll dig my nose or do something stupid so he'll stop staring. In my head I punched him twice with an axe. I want to play the electric guitar and headbang like Hayley. I want to fight and be strong. I'd rather wear Vans than a pair of flats.

BUT THEN, I cry. I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry to my two lovely bears on my bed. And I don't like skatergirls or tomboys or butches. Not planning to be one of them, really. I actually........care. Even though I act like I don't. I do care about what people think of me, I do care about what they say. I get affected.

This makes no sense. Being a girl is hard.

2011-03-07T20:46:00.002+08:00

THE 5 BOYS WHO FUCKING PUNCHED MY BIG BRO JUST NOW CAN ROT IN HELL. YOU STUPID MATS HAVE NOTHING IN LIFE. NOTHING. GO TO ITE CAUSE YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE ELSE. MY BROTHER WENT TO ITE TO FIND EDUCATION AND TO DO WELL SINCE HE GOT A SECOND CHANCE. HE DOESN'T SMOKE, HE DOESN'T DRINK, NOT LIKE ALL YOU FUCKING BASTARDS. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS CORNER HIM LIKE THAT? JUST CAUSE OF SOME GIRL? FUCK YOU ALL. FUCKING IMMATURE PIECE OF FUCKERS. SERIOUSLY, JUST 1 GIRL AND YOU PUNCH AN INNOCENT BOY LIKE THAT TILL HE GETS BRUISES? WHAT THE FUCK. DAH SAH TKDE AGAMA. PLEASE, BERTAUBAT OKAY. I JUST HEARD MY BROTHER CRY DURING HIS PRAYERS AND I SERIOUSLY BROKE DOWN AND CRIED. OH GOD NABEEL DOESN'T DESERVE THIS. HE IS THE NICEST BOY I'VE EVER KNOWN. HE USED TO PROTECT ME IN PRIMARY SCHOOL FROM THE BOYS WHO USED TO BULLY ME. HE COOKS FOR ME. HE MAKES SURE I'M HOME. HE IS A COMPLETE ANGEL. PLEASE GOD, MAKE SURE THE 5 BOYS GET WHAT THEY DESERVED. THEY ARE COMPLETE USELESS IDIOTS WHO RUIN LIVES. THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT FIGHT. PLEASE GOD, LET THEM REALIZE THEIR MISTAKES. NOW, MY BROTHER IS SCARED TO DEATH. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO CAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO FIND ANYMORE TROUBLE. MY DAD WANTS TO GET HIM OUT OF THAT STUPID SCHOOL. I DECLARE MYSELF HATING ITE STUDENTS, GIRL OR BOY, CHINESE OR MALAY. I THOUGHT THAT SCHOOL MAY HAVE SOME GOOD STUDENTS WHO ACTUALLY BOTHER TO DO WELL. I GUESS I WAS WRONG. FIGHTS?! JUST CAUSE OF A GIRL? HOW OLD ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY. 10?! FUCK OFF. I'M CRYING LIKE A MAD GIRL NOW CAUSE HE'S MY BROTHER AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. TO SEE HIM SO AFRAID LIKE THIS, IT'S KILLING ME.

Ya Allah please protect my brother.

Words don't sink, they swim

2011-03-06T22:03:00.004+08:00

Hi Saleh I like our ACDC shirts. Yay. This was yesterday. We watched a movie which I didn't pay attention to. 2 hours of me rolling around in my seat, crying, listening to my ipod and dying. Thanks for tolerating your shitty girlfriend babe. Oh and thanks for listening to my crap. Always wanted someone to hear them. Hope I didn't freak you out. Love u tho

1 more week till a break. I can do this.

2011-03-06T15:18:00.003+08:00

I'm crying over the stupidest thing ever. Fuck my feelings. Fuck everything. Why the fuck am I so weak. Fuck my insecurity. I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I ruin everything. Why the fuck am I still alive. No one likes me. No one likes people who ruin and destroy things. I should be murdered. And killed. I'm useless. And always, always hurt.

Sometimes, I wonder.

2011-03-04T22:20:00.001+08:00

Hi. School's been good. The school's expectations of me are quite.............ok. 9 points. I'm surprised they're expecting me to get an A1 for Chemistry. Well. I love Chemistry. So. I haven't been talking about school lately right haha sigh O's are making me feel nervous. Not even O's yet. Mid years. For most of the subjects, the topics tested are inclusive of last year's topics. Holy. I should really start revising soon. The March hols would seem non-existent to me. Hmm.

Well, cherish your weekends while they last. I keep ruining mine. I'm an idiot.

2010

2011-02-28T20:34:00.004+08:00

Have a good March everyone, it's my best friend's birthday comin up and I can't wait to do something spectacular for her. x

Eventually you will be gone.

2011-02-27T14:51:00.002+08:00

In my dark room I collapsed. I collapsed into my bed and let these tears run around my face. I don't understand how things are lately. At one point, they're fantastic, everyone's happy....I'm happy. And then things go wrong and my heart just dies. I am so weak. I know that already. I just feel like giving away everything I have in my life right now. I don't deserve anything. I'm just.......really dumb. I hate liars. I hate empty promises and mean people. I hate crying, yet I cry. I hate feeling so alone, yet I'm always lonely. I hate feeling like a piece of fucked up shit, yet I am a piece of fucked up shit. I'm a walking contradiction.

What you said that night was all a lie. I can't seem to trust you anymore. You're a liar, but I'll always believe you.

~

2011-02-23T17:30:00.002+08:00

AMY: Don't you dare walk away from me. And don't tell me you're sorry. And don't tell me to forget it, and don't you dare tell me to "let it go". God knows, I'd like to. I wish I could, but I can't. I can't forget that we had something, and you're running away. You're running away! Don't you see, Mark? You're running from what I've searched for all my life! Why, because you're scared? Well, I'm scared too, but you and I -- we have something worth fighting for. We could make it work, I'm not saying it would be easy, but I care about you. And I know, deep down, under this bravado, you care about me. And that's what it's all about, Mark, don't you get it? It's the human experience. You can pretend all you want, but you're only lying to yourself. You're denying that simple and wonderful fact that you are emotional, and vulnerable, and alive. Can you honestly stand there and tell me that I mean nothing to you? That everything that happened that night was a lie? That you feel nothing?.....I feel sorry for you, Mark. I'll move on. I'll find someone else. I'll be all right, because I will know that I tried. That I did everything I could. But someday you will look back, and you will realize what you threw away. And you will regret it always.

When I'm bored I send vibrations in your direction, from the satellite mind

2011-02-20T19:07:00.004+08:00

YOU'RE CRAZY AND I LOVE YOU

Happy belated 26th darlin

I'd like to dissolve into thin air

2011-02-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

2011-02-18T22:18:00.003+08:00

haha isn't life sad when people would rather have you being depressed than lame cause you're an annoying piece of fuck when you're lame, but that's the only point in life where you're actually happy?

#6

2011-02-15T17:32:00.006+08:00

~~Cotton On tank~~

~~It's quite long~~

~~Size M~~

~~BRAND NEW~~

~~Floral shorts~~

~~Worn once~~

~~Size M~~

~~$13 (bought at $18)~~

~~Diva ribbon~~

~~Tie it to make it a headband, perfect for school!~~

Accessorize headband

Bracelets

~~Right $3~~ Left $2

Accessorize bangles

All for $5

FUND ZE BROKE

Tag me/text me!!!!! x

you exist in my bones

2011-02-14T23:17:00.002+08:00

Happy 14th of February everyone! Firstly happy 9th to my lil bbybro don't grow up too fast you're too cute stay handsome forever ur sis loves you a lot & kudos to the prettiest girls I've ever seen yes all of my tk girls thanks so much for the cards/chocolates/flowers/post-its/hugs/wishes you guys rly made this Vday the best one ever and I shall cherish it always x & to the lovely boyfriend thx for your Adidas perfume (now I can smell like you) and a pretty bracelet and entertaining my crap as always i love you, i love you, i love you :-*

HAVE A GREAT WEEK don't forget to catch 4:44 everyday cause you're a step closer to death haha just excuse me i'm dysfunctional

I'm an epitome of pure misery

2011-02-13T22:58:00.003+08:00

I remember how it was like to be fourteen it was the best year of my life:

Everyone was just so happy. Including me.

2011-02-13T14:59:00.002+08:00

I am miserable. I'm dumb and stupid and everything bad. Haha it's all coming back to me. I thought, for once, I could be happy...............truly happy. But I guess I've never been, and never will be, one of those people who'll walk around Orchard Road screaming "I'M HAPPY, SUCK ON THAT BITCHES". I'm a sad person. I don't know what to do. I have always been sad. And it shall remain that way for a long time.

I still remember this moment, at the back of my mind

2011-02-10T20:38:00.006+08:00

9th February 2011:

The night I met Taylor Swift right before my eyes, a few metres away from me. It was heavenly. She sang 13 songs, played the piano, played 3 different guitars and an ukelele. She was amazing. Beautiful. When she first stepped on stage, I was just............dead, I don't remember myself singing her opening song (Sparks Fly). I was just smiling and my heart was racing like crap. It felt really great and I don't think I'll ever get to feel that way again. Not any time soon. The audience loved her. Everyone in that stadium were having so much fun, singing along, screaming at the top of their lungs. It was worth it. Me and Rachel were so disappointed that we couldn't get her autograph or anything but we kept telling ourselves "At least we get to go to her concert. We shall be grateful" HAHA yeah it was just an amazing night really. I had so much fun and now that it's all over.............I just feel shitty really like as if there's nothing else to look forward to this year. Thank you God for giving me such an opportunity, it was brilliant. She was brilliant. Have a great tour, Taylor, you know your fans will always be there for you x DO VISIT SINGAPORE SOON

(I snapped more than 600 pictures, I shall upload every single one of them on fb!!!!)

Each day, countin' up the minutes, till I get alone, cause I can't stay

2011-02-06T22:29:00.005+08:00

GUESS WHO'S BACK HAHA K hi. This sums up my holiday actually haha since I've been home on Tuesday-Friday. So basically I only came alive during the weekends. And it shall remain that way forever. On Saturday I went out with sexy_boy@niceass.com and we were supposed to watch The Green Hornet but the cinemas were overpopulated with yellow Chinese (I'm sorry @shotsofpetron, I'm so sorry HAHAHA) so yea we went to walk around and shop a bit. Thank you boy for waiting for me at Topshop and helping me choose what to buy for myself/my sister. And thank you for being with me by the river, cuddling me like no one's business, making all the Banglas stare haha Saleh loves making fun of Banglas it's hilarious. Thank you for taking care of me when I felt like shit, ~u r o k~ ~i m o k~ hehe and massaging my sore legs in public haha and buying your sick girl a double cheeseburger as she texted an "I love you" to you while you were walking back to the table. You read it, looked up at me and blushed haha you're so amazing, do you know that? x

"dearest baby sister zahwah,

you've grown so much from the first time you could say "incredible". it's a big year for you so please study hard and don't get distracted. email me if you need to rant. don't curse so much it's unhealthy. and remember that i will always be here for you. please help umi out ya? she can get difficult but you'll get the hang of it. i love you and will miss having you in my room.

much love,

sarah"

u r o k

2011-02-03T19:14:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone hahaha I know I haven't been posting but...what's there to post about anyway? I've been home since God knows when. Down with the flu, fever and bad coughing. It's the holidays I know but somehow I feel better at home. This whole week has been scary somehow. But I realized that I feel safest at home, with my family. My sister's leaving on Sunday and I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about that. Well.....last night I woke up at around 4am and my sister wasn't in bed next to me. I kinda freaked. Then I went to the living room and found her there, and I ran back to my room. I felt good. I just didn't want to be alone. Then I realized that I'm going to be alone from Sunday onwards till she comes back in a few months time? Yeah. My point is.....just appreciate everything and everyone around you. I haven't been appreciating my sister a lot and we still haven't been talking and that's where I went wrong. My fault. This really sucks and I'm just so afraid of what's ahead of me right now. Seeing my sister leave brings back all the memories we had when we were young...yknw? Taylor's 'Never Grow Up' is in my head right now and I'm just. Sigh. We should never grow up. I miss my mum.

you know what's priceless? Syahier's bathing with the door open, and he's singing. I love that small boy. Oh God I'm tearing up........see I don't understand what's wrong with me. All of you are amazing okay? Remember that.

never felt this way before

2011-01-30T19:45:00.002+08:00

Dear god, please bring me back the happiness I had back then. I surrender my heart and soul to you for you are the Greatest. Amin.

exhaustion

2011-01-28T20:05:00.001+08:00

hi exams just ended and i'm so bloody tired and i've got so much on my mind i wish things would just vanish and disappear i want to be relieved i want to be okay god...what's wrong with me :-( anw have a good weekend people do not stress i repeat do not stress things are gonna be ok x

Nothing's gonna change, not for me and you

2011-01-23T20:43:00.001+08:00

2011-01-22T12:22:00.003+08:00

I mean why would anyone want to be friends with me................why would anyone want to fall in love with a girl like me? I picture myself living alone in an empty apartment in 20 years time. And then I'll slowly attempt suicide ha ha.

What is life

2011-01-20T18:26:00.003+08:00

I'm stupid. Silly. Whatever you call it. Dumb. Lifeless. Motionless. I hate how I feel. I hate feelings. I hate being so weak and fragile. I'm stupid. In every way. I make wrong choices. I regret every night. I've been trying so hard to find my way out of this mess. I'm messed up.

2011-01-18T20:22:00.000+08:00

Happy 25th month to the best boyfriend in the world

Just try to never grow up

2011-01-16T15:18:00.003+08:00

Isn't he the cutest haha do you know how Saleh makes me feel? He makes me feel.......accepted. And loved, and of course, happy. He tolerates my shit really well and I just pity how he has to stick with such a screwed up girlfriend sigh. Thanks for the great Saturday I enjoyed it so much hun. And I really wasn't that sick hahaha he kept asking if he should get me tissues just in case my nose died but I said no but he got them for me anyway. Thanks love. We did our homework at Starbucks and he brought this rly cool Japanese Design book for his art sketches!!! I fell in love haha the designs in the book were beautiful. Saleh's sketches are so adorable. Then we walked around Esplanade cause it started raining!!!! Sigh rain. Bus-ed to Orchard from there hehe I love bus rides with him and how he'll have my head on his chest. He'll automatically play with my hair and mess it up!!! And I'll play with his fingers and watch his veins disappear into his skin. We had Ayam Penyet omfg yes our fav

And then...................we went to Scape and there were so many people, so many cool people.........and I died. Loud music and people smoking. Fuck. Haha ok here's where something bad happened. I just hate crowded places with people smiling everywhere. And having fun. I hate loud noise and cool kids and people trying so hard to feel good. I hate life. Haha. So we went all the way up to find a place to chill but no there were people everywhere freaking fuck. I just got so......I don't know how I actually felt, I just hated that place. So I ran all the way down, ran out of Scape, ran out of Somerset. Saleh chased after me and I just couldn't tell him what's on my mind sigh

So he brought me to a quiet place and I just cried and cried and ugh I'm such a freak. But he kept hugging me and wiping my tears and telling me that I'm not a freak, and that if I'm a freak then he's a freak too. I'm sorry I'm so.....stupid and silly and weird I just hate people. But I'm thankful that my boyfriend understands me, well at least a bit. I love you so much Saleh. You're amazing, I owe you a lot. X Did I tell you that you're really handsome?

2011-01-12T19:20:00.002+08:00

I'M A LOSER, SO WHAT? I'VE GOT PIMPLES, SO WHAT? I DON'T CARE ABOUT GOOD LOOKS, SO WHAT? I DON'T LIKE BOYS, SO WHAT? I DON'T DO WELL, SO WHAT? I DON'T EAT VEGGIES, SO WHAT? I DON'T HAVE AN ALTERED SKIRT, SO WHAT? I DON'T HAVE ATTRACTIVE FEATURES, SO WHAT? I'M LAME, SO WHAT? I'M NOT LIKE THOSE BITCHES, SO WHAT? I DON'T HAVE A GOOD BOYFRIEND, SO WHAT? I'M INSECURE AND PARANOID, SO WHAT? I'M AN IDIOT, SO WHAT? I EAT WITHOUT WASHING MY HANDS, SO WHAT? I DON'T FLIRT, SO WHAT? I DON'T LIKE FAME AND FORTUNE, SO WHAT? I HATE KATY PERRY, SO WHAT? I'M DISAPPOINTED WITH A LOT OF THINGS, SO WHAT? I HATE LIFE, SO WHAT? I'm weird, so what?

I don't live to fucking please anyone.

I will disguise myself as a sleeping pill, and descend inside of you

2011-01-11T19:26:00.002+08:00

Hi!!!! This was from Saturday, went to RP - NYP - SP - TP. So far, only interested in SP's Drama & Psychology hmm but I'm still making my way to a JC insya'allah. It was really cool to see all the different courses and I'm like, I thought we only study Maths haha k. Sigh I wonder why we grow up so fast :-\

I won't really be updating much cause I've got to mug for my A Math/E Math test on Thurs and then I'll mug for my CAs which is in 2 weeks time haha fuck u tkgs but I still love you tho X

There's something in the way you say my name

2011-01-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

I can't do anything without you can't do anything with you you drive me crazy, but I love you, you make me lazy, but I love you, I want to hit you, but then I kiss you, want to kill you, but then I'd miss you, you drive me crazy, but I love you, you make me lazy, but I love you, I'm always waiting by the phone, I can't wait for you to get home, I'm always crazy when I miss you, I'm always lazy when I miss you and even though you are my guy, I always freak when I get high, I'm always crazy when I miss you, I'm always lazy when I miss you, maybe I'm just crazy, maybe I'm just crazy, maybe I'm just crazy, crazy for you baby

CLICK IT

2011-01-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

http://tiny.cc/pikfs

you thought that you knew me

2011-01-06T20:14:00.004+08:00

School has been a draaaaaag yes teachers we know we're taking O's this year you don't have to repeat it a gazillion times. My teachers are really cool like Mr Ang who reads FHM and Ms Sharifah who loves us so much "even though I am not your form teacher anymore, I still see you the most and I know you the best" haha I love them all. But thanks to Ms Wong (sexy butt), I am sitting all the way in front, next to the door. So I'll be the lights girl "Zahwah switch on the lights" "Zahwah switch off the lights" knn

Hmm where can I start.................I got some motivation already haha I shall start studying soon. I have an A Math + E Math CA next Thursday. Shall drill up during the weekends. But school started off well! Class party/motivational talks/mass dance was good. Well sigh everyone was doing free style and I was doing my chicken dance with Shan

I met my VIP today yes very important person haha hi Saleh. He bought a plain cheese burger and I pasted the "special order" sticker on my cheek. And he said "yes you're my special order" priceless x

you make my heart go boom, boom

2011-01-04T18:49:00.003+08:00

God bless everyone

2011-01-03T19:50:00.002+08:00

THE 16TH YEAR OF MY LIFE STARTS TOMORROW

2011-01-03T00:57:00.002+08:00

Did I tell you what I did for new year? At 12 midnight, under my blanket, I watched the digital clock on my phone change it's numbers from 23:59 31/12/2010 to 00:00 1/1/11. I heard some people screaming outside my window, and all I did was hug my pillow and cried myself to sleep. I knew I was going to be alone.

Something I'd like to bury:

2010-12-31T17:42:00.002+08:00

2010. It was quite a bad year for me. I got so weak for reasons that I'm still searching for. Physically, and mentally. I have no idea what happened but my life kinda..............dropped from the 100th story, and it feels I've banged my head to the floor a thousand times. Still hurts. Well where can I start? I was young (still am) and immature, stupid, still stupid and plain dumb. Priorities were set wrongly and strength was hard to find. I can never count the number of times I cried this year, be it in public, or here in my empty room.

But I learnt a lot from this tragic year. Life can never be fair, and you will never get what you want. Not always. And people will still be mean no matter how nice you are to them. Things aren't easy. School is for people to fake their smiles, pretending they're paying attention, doodle killer thoughts and spill out everything to their (real) friends after that during recess. School has never been easy for me this year. It was...........bad. But thank God for the results, I've never failed anything. Even though the night before my exams were filled with 'give up's and 'go to bed's. Well I'm thankful for that.

This year, I lost myself, I lost my happiness somewhere, I lost a best friend, I just.....lost everything. Things didn't turn out right most of the time. And I had to suck it in. Into this huge mind of mine who never agrees with me. She's been an ass this year. My mind has been a big ass.

But I'm thankful for the great friendships made this year, and my boyfriend who never left. It may have been a bad year but at least we were all here together. 2011 is gonna be so hard for most of us who are sitting for O's, but we are gonna be fine. We are gonna study our asses off and get holy-mother-fucking good results. And we are gonna be so happy.

2011 new year resolutions:

1. Be closer to Allah s.w.t and remember that He loves you

2. Be a better daughter, sister, friend, student and girlfriend

3. Control your fucked up mind. Lock her up in a prison cell

4. STOP PROCRASTINATING

5. Believe in yourself, believe in your goals, believe in what you can achieve

6. Revise weekly

7. Stop hating the world, even though it's so screwed up

8. Get your 10 points for O's

9. Start figuring out what you want to do with your life haha

10. Another year with Saleh

All this, Insya'Allah. Have a great year everyone may the strength be with you amin x

Somewhere only we know

2010-12-30T22:10:00.002+08:00

Oh!!! I forgot to mention, this is Seezee, me and Saleh's diary since my birthday last year till early this year. Filled with the craziest things, our stories, our sorrys, our crap, our cute drawings and the pretty things we do. It's part of our family haha I love you always S.

Would you have the guts to say

2010-12-30T20:48:00.004+08:00

Hi I'm back. Here are all the pictures that I took. Lol jk, I only posted food cause food is life, life is food. I had fun, I guess........nothing much yada yada yada happiness in life bla bla bla that's stupid. I am a freak and freaks get hungry really easily. hmm 2011 post comin up soon, prepare for the worst.

More to life

2010-12-29T20:30:00.003+08:00

Hi readers, I think I saw a cute boy today. He was reading by the pool. Do cute boys make you stare twice? Ok I'll be home tomorrow, back to dreading life once again.

AWK

2010-12-27T21:43:00.003+08:00

Kinda late but hi from Kuala Lumpur. It's been okay but I'm really disappointed sigh I thought being on a holiday would make everything better but no..................my mind can't shut up and I'm still the idiot who thinks a lot haha. Well, how are all of you? I've got half of my homework done so I'm not really thinking about that. I'm just quite curious, am I the only one who don't fancy boys? I mean, yes I have a boyfriend but I just don't see why they're so cute or attractive. I don't think I'm lesbian. I just don't see cute boys anywhere!!!! I don't even find Arab boys cute. Or ang mohs or Malays or Indian or aliens. Even on tumblr. Boys are disgusting. I'm quite old already (sixteen in a year) and it would be childish to say yuck when a boy talks to me. I don't seem to be interested in the male gender other than my boyfriend haha which makes me really awkward.................well that's my Facebook middle name ain't it?

Leave me a note on my formspring and tell me what you think.

(tell me I'm not the only idiot around here)

"I'll never give up on you," he said.

2010-12-25T22:38:00.005+08:00

MERRY XMAS Hi I just had an awsum posum day with my crazy boy!!!! Haha ok I have so many pictures and I should just make a facebook album but no I'll just leave them here. So he got me another pair of Topman socks from his trip to KL! My first pair from him had elephants on them hehe thanks babe, I love your socks too!!! I just like cute things with weird patterns. We went to our fav Botanical Gardens and thx to the rain we had to lay the mat on the floor :-\ still had fun tho watching you fall asleep and waking you up with my "i'm bored" and then I fell asleep and you woke me up and said "i'm bored" and then both of us fell asleep hahaha crazycouple4life. And do you see something really nice.............ha ha ha yes I made him a playlist for our 2nd anni I hope he likes it, and do pardon my stupid colouring. Bused to Somerset, had dinner @ Burger King. A side note, you might not want to see both of us eat, we're the biggest pigs you'll ever know hahaha!!!!! K. Walked under the rain, saw the pretty xmas lights at Orchard oh oh oh and we saw the Jesus statues and stuff like that and we got really angry haha _|_!!!!! So much for "racial harmony" Singapore is so insensitive to other races. Slacked at Starbucks after that and gave him a goodbye kiss and I shall give a goodbye kiss to everyone cause I'm off to KL/PD tomorrow morning till Thursday. JK I don't kiss people because all you smell like pork (pls ignore me)

And my shirt quite weird ah the back haha lol got it for $10 and the boots!!!! for $30 from yesterday's shopping it was kinda sad/tiring being alone but.......a good experience

So yes merry xmas all of you Christians ho ho ho bye, Santa secretly placed a bomb under your bed

Spread the lurrrrve

2010-12-24T00:08:00.002+08:00

Hi in a few hours time, I will be in town doing homework, and then I'm off to shop!!!!!!!!! I am really excited hehe I'm supposed to go with my mum but I asked her if I could go on my own. So yes she gave me $50!!!!! Ok gonna spend my money wisely. I so noob, I never go shopping like this before. I'm always with my mum or shopping-without-cash. Harrrharrr. And yes, I'll be alone. KANASAI. But I'd like company x

"Sometimes before you make others happy, you have to make yourself happy"

2010-12-22T18:51:00.003+08:00

Had a great time with Sabrina yesterday!! We had lunch, walked around 313, ION, Far East and Wisma and got ourselves pretty things hehe yay. Thanks for the talks and the things we shared. We shall meet some time soon, next time to a flea! Love u, stay strong okay? Things are gonna be fine, I promise ♥

I keep my distance but you still catch my eye

2010-12-19T21:35:00.003+08:00

(who knew my phone's camera quality would be this good har har)

Hi!!!!!!!!!! Just got back from a failed study date with the craziest/funniest girls ever filz n shykar. Omg I swear today was so funny, I lost my voice after laughing like mad dogs. We were so high that we started talking malay like a bunch of..........yup. Thanks so much for the great day!!! I know filz loves her Arab girls ;-) We went to an unannounced flea @ Haji Lane and I got myself a shirt and yes one shirt only. Damn sad today la, it was such a camwhore day but I didn't bring my camera cause it's in Batam with my sis. I wonder why I'm so nice to lend it to her................OK we didn't study cause we only reached the airport at 5+ and had dinner and we just ran out of time he he well filz n shy did some work, but yours truly didn't cause I'm just plain lazy. Eh suke hati aku ah, aku nye life pe.

I didn't just say that ha ha "I start talking Malay when I'm really really sad"

Happy Birthday Saza!

2010-12-18T00:16:00.000+08:00

I'D WRITE A WHOLE LONG POST WITH A MILLION WORDS TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU BUT:

Happy 2nd anniversary to my favourite boy ever. Thank you for everything (food, gifts, support, encouragement, laughs, hugs, kisses, tickles, whispers, tears, love) and I never imagined we could have gone this far. But we did honey, and I realized how strong we are. You'll always be my darling and I shall see you in 10 years time @ Botanical Gardens for our wedding, Insya'Allah he he he I love you Muhammad Nur Saleh Bin Abdullah. Always did, always will.

Remember when you used to be rascal?

2010-12-17T13:09:00.001+08:00

I shall survive today, and tomorrow, and Sunday and I can finally, after so long, say that I had a good week.

Cause it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do

2010-12-15T15:28:00.004+08:00

Please make up and get back together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your heart will plummet like mine did

sinking

Selling post #8

jet black heart

Will you be my friend?

the edge

Just like a star across the sky

When I'm sad I play the guitar

Hurt

hurricane

excited

the littlest things that take me there

you read me like a book

what I tell myself most of the time before I start crying

I guess I'm okay with that.

FREE FALLIN'

I used to have nice titles but now I can't think of anything so

just don't let me down

you

one day we'll tell the story of us

I can't quite fathom my insanity

50 things I hate

a revolution

no

(let the happiness flow naturally)

vomit

victim

shaking inside

I just wanna lay in my bed.

couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't

echoes

r u n f r e e

twentyeight

I'll survive you, even with all these wounds

I WANT THE OCEAN RIGHT NOW

Maybe we forgot, are we awake, or not?

*~L3T G0~*

survival

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer

Got you around my finger like a lonely lover's charm

#7

Now that the damage is done, I never miss it at all

but they can't take what's ours

It has always been you

And if you flash your heart, I won't deny it

Hi.

I'd stay in the darkness with you

Words don't sink, they swim

Sometimes, I wonder.

2010

Eventually you will be gone.

~

When I'm bored I send vibrations in your direction, from the satellite mind

I'd like to dissolve into thin air

#6

you exist in my bones

I'm an epitome of pure misery

I still remember this moment, at the back of my mind

Each day, countin' up the minutes, till I get alone, cause I can't stay

u r o k

never felt this way before

exhaustion

Nothing's gonna change, not for me and you

What is life

Just try to never grow up

I will disguise myself as a sleeping pill, and descend inside of you

There's something in the way you say my name

CLICK IT

you thought that you knew me

you make my heart go boom, boom

God bless everyone

Something I'd like to bury:

Somewhere only we know

Would you have the guts to say

More to life

AWK

"I'll never give up on you," he said.

Spread the lurrrrve

"Sometimes before you make others happy, you have to make yourself happy"

I keep my distance but you still catch my eye

~L3T G0~